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[Editorial Note: Yes, this is an actual allegiance. If you are confused, direct your queries to Malichor within the game. Thank you. --Bob@zone.]
One day, upon a long journey, Malichor was confronted by a most amazing sight: a woman, looking quite tired and worn out. She spoke unto him. The effect was quite striking.
So Eris spake to Malichor:
I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.
You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, you have restricted vision, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.
I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free. The Symbol of the Golden Apple shall be Yours, carry it to all, and let all know that they are free.
And at a later date, she also revealed:
The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of the Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cipher. However, after ten weeks and eleven hours of intensive scrutiny, he discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down. It reads thusly:
KNOW YE THIS, O MAN OF FAITH!
I -- There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II -- A Discordian shall always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.
III -- A Discordian is required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone and Partake Joyously of a sausage on a Friday.
IV -- A Discordian shall partake of no bun with the sausage, for such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
V -- A Discordian is prohibited from believing what he reads.
IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL, DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.
The Initiation Ceremony
This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by many POEE Knights to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.
1) The Knight and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the Initiate in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on the immediate right and left of the Knight should be Knights as well. The Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something.
2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Knight, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians.
3) The Knight begins: I, <complete Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations, offices, etc.>, Ordained Knight of the Golden Apple, with the Authority invested at me by the Grand knight Malichor, Polyfather of Virginity in Gold, Keeper of the Pelicans, do herewith Require of Ye:
ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING?
The Initiate answers YES.
THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF?
The Initiate answers YES.
HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED?
He answers YES.
VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT?
The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME:
The Knight continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE KGA DISCIPLE <name>, of the Knights of the Golden Apple. HAIL, ERIS! HAIL! HAIL! HAIL YES!
4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and offers it to all who are present.
5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.
THE TENETS OF THE KGA
1)Help the young (for they are victims of ORDER, and don't know better).
2) Donate to the KGA coffers, for you may be in need some day.
3) Oppose the true Illuminati and its efforts to yoke mankind under its rules and regulations. Never ever give in. (Please note: this does not imply that you should defy the advocates, as this would violate TOS.)
(Please note that Malichor has been struck quite mad by exposure to the prime chaos, but then, aren't we all a bit mad?? Or else we wouldn't have come here... There may or may not be an Eris at all; perhaps this is a symptom of the madness, or maybe not. Isn't logic grand?)
--Malichor
Knights of the Golden Apple
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